nothing is never good enough for you , there is alwasy something wrong.

So I have been thinking about what you told me. you know the drifting apart thing. Honestly I never felt like we have been drifting apart. I feel the same about you since we have been together. I love you so much. I feel like you are losing interest in me. I really dont need reassurance, but i know you do and it is really hard for me to do. It scares me to think that you will run off with someone else because you tell me we are falling apart. i almost started crying which is really hard for me to do. I really wanted to call you but i know you have to wake up so early. Im really glad you did good on your english, i knew you would. I am disappointed on your math i told you to study. But anyways im sad, your telling me we are drifting, and im thinking you are going to leave me for someone else, maybe someone in your school, they are going to be seeing a lot more of you than me. I really do hate how you are always so negative. it really bothers me. It makes me feel like you dont believe in us. I dont understand, if we have a connection, why do you disturb it by telling me negative things. You told me you loved me when we started talking. Even so you loved another, you would rather be with him because he was always there. If im not there then who would you love? You cant stand being in a long distance relationship(going back to texas convo) what would you do if it did came to that. Would you still love another after loving me? DO you think i would love another? You know, I drifted apart from my ex. The reason why we drifted apart was because i was angry at her, that she rather be with other people than me even though i was willing to go where she was. She tried talking to me, but i was so cold, she threatened me to break it off, but i didnt care, I had my summer time well spent in the bay area. I did bad things because i wanted revenge. If you ever leave, i really dont think i can ever be in a serious relationship with anybody else. I think i would despise relationships. The way you think, is the way you are going to portray life. When you think negative thoughts about us, your only going to find the evidence that supports it and then it will sink you down. I really do not want to run off. I want to stay and get married. I want to build good relations with my parents. I want to build a better life with you. I really think running away is taking the easy way out. Running away should be only when we are forbidden to see each other. Im sorry i cant visit you, it seems the only way to go is to take the bus. I really love you lily. Im really sad, i really do want to cry but i cant be thinking bad about our relationship. Soon i wont have a phone, soon i wont insurance, and soon i wont have a home. My parents are moving to europe. My lifes a mess and i have become to dependant. My father told me i was going to become fat and that you would leave me. I wasted my money on useless junk. I have no idea why i bought those stupid cats, i really thought i could make something out of them. Then no one seemed interested in my work not even you. Do you really support the things i do. You hate the way i clothe myself, you dont like my job. SO what if i want to sell knives my whole life. Cutco has changed the lives of so many people. I believe it can help me change mine. Everyone there is nice and supportive. if you were to come to one of our divisional meetings you could see that too. its not a tuppaware thing or a royal prestige thing, It is something bigger. I use to like wearing camaflouge clothing because it made me look cool. I dont like to wear now because of they way you talked about it. I hate that you let magally talk shit about me, and you agreed with her. id never let anyone talk shit about you. Just thinking about how you talked to cat about how i was talking to my ex, that made me really angry. Do you ever think about how when i have a problem between us, do you ever think i have someone to talk to?, I have no one to talk to. I cant talk to anybody. I just feel alone. now im crying... But anyways the whole reason why im writing is because you think we are drifting apart. I do not agree with you. I love you even more with every day that passes by. I just feel that nothing is ever good enough for you, there always has to be something wrong with us. Its funny that you always tell me that whenever i make a suggestion. Just because there is something missing doesnt mean i dont like it. if it was not good enough for me do you really think id be eating it? All i do is make a suggestion then its not good enough for you.